Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
