proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think my moral compass just broke
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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