so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
