He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
