I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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