Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
