Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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