You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
barbara walters just said penis...
operation have a gay friend backfired
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
