youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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