I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
