the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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