Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
