i permit you to call me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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