im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
