I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
