everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
