i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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