we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
