just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
