if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
