Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
