I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
