I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
