Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
