Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
