Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
