Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
