1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
