My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
