so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
