Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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