I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
