Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
