So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
