the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
