I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
