You can't special order awesome
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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