I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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