he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
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I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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