We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
