I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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