Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
