was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
