she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
