my vag is so smooth its legendary
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
