I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
