My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
