I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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