You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
