ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
