I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
