Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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