That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
