I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
