Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
