I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
