the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
