How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
