i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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