If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
