New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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