Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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