I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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