i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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