so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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